margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
