homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she peed on how many people?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
