enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
