i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
