My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize