i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
