my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
