I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
