Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize