I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
