I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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