I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
