Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
