rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
