she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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