i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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