hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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