break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize