I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize