Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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