apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
