The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
