She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
