I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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