her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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