The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
