you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
