I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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