Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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