Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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