She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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