so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
