We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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