I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're not piercing ourselves today.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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