We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
