we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
