No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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