Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
