the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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