I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
