nut hugger
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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