I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
