You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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