yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize