Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
