having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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