what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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