I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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