What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
