You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
