This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
