So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
