Who wears a wallet chain?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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