You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
