Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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