On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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