Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
