so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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