Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
