i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
