She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
