are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pants are for mortals
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
