he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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