So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
did you just send me my own nude
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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